Messages

​

The first shift had been the hardest.
The two weeks leading up to her first shift had been equally dreadful as Patricia inflicted torture on her own mind by imagining the conversations of others gossiping about her new job and fall from grace.
These fantasy dialogues always involved the last people Patricia would have wanted to see her standing in her newly adopted pink outfit, like a prized trifle with her name badge as the cherry on top.
PATRICIA CHILD with a sickly pink slogan underneath confirming value for money. It offered no consolation that the gossiping in her mind took place between individuals who did not know one another and hence it was clearly not feasible, but their sneers and snipes cut just as hard as if they had been real.
Vicar - Oh my, did you see where Patricia Child is working!,
Mrs Sturridge from 156 (never been to church in over 30 years) yes Vicar, and I always thought she would go so far

Still this had been how Patricia had prepared for her fist day at Niceprice Cash & Carry and the reality of her first day had proven to be equally painful. After a while she had become comfortable with the logistics of serving and had slowly began to relax and even began to enjoy getting an insight into the different eating habits of the customers, however about forty-five minutes into her first shift, her fears became a reality. We thought it was you Patricia! I was walking through the car park with Morris, on the way back to our new Saab, we shouldnt have but we couldnt resist it, what with Morris getting such a bonus, anyway he said to me, that looks like Patricia Child serving in there at Niceprice. As you can imagine, I replied Dont be so bleeding ridiculous Morris. Patty wouldnt be seen outside of any supermarket asides Waitrose. Then he said, he meant you serving. Honestly Patricia, I nearly fell laughing at the thought, I thought he was keeping a wee flask hidden from me in the glove-compartment!

Mrs Hand tried to back track out of the quicksand of awkwardness that her story had created, before Patricia cut her off with a curt well now you know and everyone must find ways of paying the bills before excusing herself to go back and organise the cigarettes behind the till. This way, she hoped no-one would see the early signs of tears. Mrs Hand pushed Morris towards the door telling Patricia words of encouragement that she was quite right and a shining example but the reality was that Mrs Hand could not wait to leave for two reasons. Firstly to get out of this awkward situation in such a horrid shop and secondly to get on the mobile phone.

As the weeks had gone on, these visits occurred less frequently. Of course the first few weeks had been verging on the ridiculous as Mrs Conn, Miss Hughes, Anita, even Josephine amongst around twenty others had found a reason to visit Niceprice and see the news first hand. Anita, Christ what a miracle that even this news would oblige her to actually drive down from Greenacres estate under the pretence that the kids had just run out of ice-cream. Like a leper, Patricia had found herself now completely alienated from the Greater Darlinghurst social scene. The reality was that she had near enough been dropped even before donning the pink Niceprice outfit. First Colin had dropped dead, followed by a drop in bank balances. Next his secret debts had dropped a bombshell in her lap (causing a dropped jaw) then the friends slowly dropped the invites and the communications. No more tennis, theatre, book club even the Range Rover gone so no more hill walking with or without the gang.

The months had past at Niceprice. Thirteen now, to be exact and with the passing months went the slow erosion of the plans to studying to do something she had shelved soon after meeting Colin. The plan had been to save one-third of her pay and then by next October, enrol for Interior design at Cathcarn College in Bristol. However Patricia was promptly realizing that it was harder to budget and secondly to resist daily spending temptations that she had envisaged. She could still here the conversations with Colin in the early days and hadnt given up the dream completely. Interior design? Really? Do you not think that will mean no one is looking after our time. Whilst you study and get in at six, it means we wont have the night to ourselves until 8.30 meaning it will be after 9 by the time we have eaten. Will you not be shattered at the weekends and well spend the precious our time cleaning?
It had sort of made sense to Patricia and Colin had persuaded her further by giving her a quite massive budget to overhaul their new 4-bedroomed house, do rather than to dream as he had put it
Of course, looking back Patricia realised that week nights Colin was rarely back before 9.30 so she could have actually attended the course and his God created Saturday, so that 18 holes we can play meant that she could have studied the material. Still Patricia knew deep down that she hadnt protested too much and the life-style was over time more appealing that the studying.

Niceprice had surprised her considerably. Both Sally and Jenny had proven to be good company and also extremely welcoming. At first Patricia had been reluctant to confide and turned down at least ten invites for a drink at the end of the shift or to come round for an evening at one of their houses.
Eventually though, as much out of embarrassment at turning them down but so often but also as she was warming to their positive outlook and minimal interest in gossiping about others, Patricia began to join them for the odd glass of wine or coffee after work. Now, just over a year later, she regarded them as her best friends.
It wasnt accurate to say that all of her friends from her pre-Niceprice Colin centric life had deserted her. Josephine and a few others still kept in touch. Certainly she never heard from Theresa again after that awkward situation where she had tried to give Patricia £1000. Josephine called around once a week with a few slices of selected news but more focused on checking if Patricia was coping. Coping and also grieving had been made much easier with all of the secrets Colins death had uncovered. Colin clearly had more ability in keeping these secrets than he had in staying faithful. What a scene at the country club. Even Josephine had been vocal in saying that it was no place to confront Clara Hindersmith, especially in the front dinning room.

Despite the best efforts from Sally and also hints from Josephine about available men to get her back into the circle, Patricia had no interest in finding Colin number II. Thats exactly what I mean, youre missing the point of dating. To erase or at least erode his memory and find someone who isnt like Colin number I. What about the guy who shops and only comes to your queue even when the others are almost empty! teased Sally. Patricia couldnt deny that she hadnt already noticed him and laughed admitting that he was quite cute, even if a little strange.
Around a week after this conversation, Patricia regretted being so open when the man in question appeared at the end of her queue which was, much to the delight of both Jenny and Sally, much longer than theirs. Patricia could feel her face red and also knew his eyes were looking directly at her face, even although she never raised hers from picking items and scanning them through. His voice started her a little, So what sort of things do you get up to when not scanning the worlds future carbon footprint? She was taken aback to such an extent that she answered him honestly without giving it any thought. Well whenever I have spare time, I tend to do word puzzles and also love watching old cinema classics mainly silent though. Her answer had embarrassed her somewhat both the openness of it and also as she knew her work colleagues where listening intently. He threw in a few lines of response and although the circumstances and duration would struggle to be accepted as a conversation, it was the longest interaction with a male Patricia had had in a long time.

If she had asked him, who are you?, Patricia would have heard:
I am a plastic bag caught in the wind, looking for my fence of peace. I am spilled water waiting for the sun to show me mercy. A wave determined to fight my destiny of the waiting shore.
I am a dream of snow on a summer beach. A yacht drawing the horizon with my mast
I offer a box of rainbows, sunsets and turquoise seas, ready to scatter a minute before you arrive.
I am your pillar of salt or pepper, your handkerchief shoulder, your dreams and your familiarity waiting to be introduced. I am all of these, waiting, yet for now none of these.
The till, the pink outfit, Sally, Colin, life meant instead she said See you later

He never re-appeared for another ten days and as these days passed Patricia found herself remembering distance memories of the thrill of chasing and being chased. She didnt really have such an experience with Colin though. Looking back was all so arranged and looking back, it felt more like her mother had made the decision that Colin was right for her. Of course she had been taken in by the extravagance, the fact that Colin was recognised and more so deserved rather than demanded the best table, the best seats when they courted. There hadnt been a great amount of chemistry though and it wasnt long before Patricia was questioning why Colin had actually chose her. She never dreamed of questioning him and instead half-bought his stories of being mesmerised by her beauty whilst never quite killing the concerns that it was simply as she would give him an easy life and be a dutiful pretty woman at home or on his arm.

On the tenth day he did re-appear but instead of queuing in Patricias isle he joined Jennys queue before enquiring bizarrely if Niceprice had any of those cocktail umbrellas and on hearing that that they didnt leaving. You can imagine the taunting Patricia endured in the break-room at lunchtime. Patricia was surprise she was so disappointed that he hadnt came to her counter though as it looked like perhaps either their earlier theory was wrong or worse still, he had not been impressed by their one and only close up conversation. However later that afternoon, he reappeared in the super market and although he took considerably longer than normal to select his groceries, he eventually did appear at Patricias queue, once again clearly not joining the shortest one available. When he reached the front, they exchanged pleasantries before he asked her, Do you know why I shop here? whilst passing her a yoghurt. Patricia felt her heart pounding like caracas on a summers night. I assume you live close by or else because value for money pointing at her badge in jest. However she had forgotten to pin it on and ended up pointing at her breast, immediately sending another wave of redness towards her face.
This killed the conversation momentarily before he joked she might not get employee of the month without the badge which lightened the mood again. This time Patricia looked up once she had told him the amount to pay and it was the first time their eyes had met. After a few seconds, he said you have the answer in your hand, please keep the receipt and with that he was off leaving an imprint of his smile in Patricias mind.

Later that night, after Sally had wiped away the tears prompted by the value for money breasts story, started pushing Patricia for some more information. So, do you like him?...Unique is good...Normal is bad!...Statistics now say normality is divorce, normal is beatings, normal is affairs , sorry Patrica, but still unique is worth going for.. and so it went on. Lying in bed on her own looking at The Kiss print opposite her bed, she thought about Sallys words. She felt herself shut Colin out every time he entered her mind; no more put downs, no more grabbing her wrists, no more kicking her under the table. No more Colin.
She stared again at the receipt for about the fifth time, none the wiser as to why he had given it to her.

4 x yoghurt 1.49
1 x olives (jar) 2.39
1 x unsalted butter 2.49
1 x apples (bag granny) 1.89
1 x raspberries (0.5kg) 1.49
1 x eggs (dozen) 1.29
1 x pesto (jar) 1.50
1 x energy drink 0.52
1 x risotto rice 2.19
1 x fennel seeds 0.49
1 x eggplant 0.39
1 x cucumber 0.43
1 x tea bags (pack)0.99

Strange but cute, she heard herself say through her smile as she switched off the bedside light before sleeping more contently and deeper than she had in a considerable number of years.

It was another three days before he came back in and this time, they smiled and chatted whilst he passed her the shopping items and it was clear that they were now flirting with one another. Sally and Jenny exchanged smiles and this time Patricia was oblivious to them and instead having a laugh with the stranger. She wanted to ask his name but still didnt want to be too forward, however he beat her to it by firstly asking if she was busy tonight and when she replied no, said he looked forward to seeing her to watch the film as they were arranging. Patricia was confused at first but he said, just make sure you find time to look at my receipt. Patricia laughed as she was enjoying the mystery even if it was all a little confusing. She reached over into his arm and picked up some sliced ham from his basket. NO! he shouted, causing not only Patricia to stop but also Jenny. Patrica didnt really have any choice to stop though as he had her wrist tightly wrapped in his hand. She stared at him then at her hand and slowly he let her go. Im so sorry he said, but the spell had been broken and after scanning in the ham he passed her the remaining few items. As he paid, she avoided his eyes and inside her stomach cried. He insisted she took the receipt and although she was in no mood, she took it before throwing it in the bin after he left.

1 x sugar 0.80
1 x eggnog 0.49
1 x vinegar 0.49
1 x eggs 0.69
1 x nuts (salted) 0.45
1 x pasta shells 1.19
1 x macaroni 0.67
1 x oxtail soup 0.63
1 x dates 0.60
1 x eggplant 0.53
1 x orange juice 1.35
1 x noodles 0.30
1 x tomatoes 0.45
1 x oil of ulay 1.29
1 x nought (bar) 0.29
1 x ice-cream 0.99
1 x grapes (loose) 1.29
1 x ham (sliced) 0.89
1 x toothbrush 0.39

Here it lay and it still lay there as he waited alone for the film to begin.