Time to commit

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This was not a sudden urge. Peter was absolutely sure about this. He had thought it through and was convinced it was time to act. She was the only woman he would ever marry and therefore he simply had no doubt it was time to perform the dreaded deed. The deed many tens of thousands of men the world over had performed, giving up freedom for the woman they loved ,with many more spending the rest of their lives in regret that they did not actually commit. Opportunities lost, sometimes not realizing that this was destiny, other times just not having the courage and before they knew it, the chance was gone, the woman had moved on to live life with another, leaving the male to wonder what life would have been like if they had committed to their instinct.

Most males would regard this decision as one of lives cross-roads, but for Peter cross-roads did not appear to exist, or if they did, the side roads where usually undergoing major road works making the decision on the path to follow obvious and easy. At school friends came easy, subject selection was obvious, and likewise he knew the piano was the instrument for him. University had followed with medicine not only being in the blood, blood was in his mind. Then three years into his service at St Bartholomews on Reilly street, he acknowledged it was time to now set up his own practice, which he did initially one street back from Harley street, before moving in the Harley on 12th October 1985, exactly 9 years after completing university and also co-incidentally on his 37th birthday.

So as he sat on his own enjoying his glass of Chablis, he contemplated just how fortunate his life had been. Thinking in particular of his relationship with Jen, focusing on what her reaction would be. Surprise, shock, expectancy, possibly? They had been together for seven years now and it was no secret that she had been keen to move things on, marriage and family had been discussed numerous times and it was a common conversation topic amongst friends, how often Jen would drop hints during dinner parties.

He realized that their time together seemed immune to the emotional turmoil he heard others talk of and was void of the traumatic episodes headlined on the covers of the magazines in the reception of his practice
As he thought back to life before Jen, even then he had no memories of relationship experiences that had caused him pain. The only situation that he could conjure from his past, was when he intended to ask Alison Collins to the cinema and noticed she was holding hands with Terrance Patterson, but that didnt really affect him as he had plenty of others interested in him and in fact from memory, about fifteen minutes later he was informed that the new most beautiful fresher from the year below was keen on him.
So that was it, ten or fifteen minutes of disappointment in his entire love life.

Thats what had made this decision even easier for Peter. Sitting here enjoying his second glass of Chablis, he even afforded himself a smile as he appreciated he had been lucky in love as he was in every other part of his life.
The smile was self-catalytic; he was aware if the rarity of the number of occasions he had smiled alone that it immediately made him even happier resulting in a small laugh and a shake of the head. He slowly became more aware of the others in the bar, including a group of guys who were now paying more attention to the laughing man sitting on his own, not taking his hand of a parcel on the table, convinced Peter it was time to stop his laughter.

Suddenly Peter had a thought that perhaps he had missed out? Maybe being so lucky meant he had not experienced the full spectrum of emotions and although it may seem obvious that no-one should want to experience deceit, pain and emotional turmoil, perhaps it does make someone a more rounded life? Here he was, 38 having never experienced death of someone close, never failed in anything he set out to achieve, never lived on the bread-line and never had someone hurt him. This thought was short-lived as Peter knew he wouldnt trade his past for someone elses. In fact even today had turned out to be a completely different emotional experience than he had expected. As he walked around the shops, he had given a little thought to the consequences of today, he would almost certainly never sleep with another woman, never to feel another womans lips on his, never to stroke another womans hair, smell their smell. No more butterflies that fly around the unknown. He had been sure that he would have second doubts, like he had read; at least be nervous but again Peter had surprised himself as he never wavered. Peter had freed up this Saturday, cancelled his usual run in the park and cancelled meeting Jen for lunch. Decided he would go on his own, without even confiding in his closest friends, he had headed off at 9am to the shops. There had been simply so many to choose from, all glistening in the windows. To begin he had a little trouble trying to narrow down which one would suit her. He had wished he had performed some more research on the Net as this was something you only done once and until you made that decision you never really took interest before. What size? what cut? Silver?

In the end, Peter had bought one of the fist ones he seen and as he sat here drinking his third glass of Chablis, every five minutes or so, he had a minor panic and re-checked his bag to make sure he hadnt lost it. He was very much aware that he should be leaving soon before he drank too much more and became any more emotional.

He could feel his eyes swell up with tears as he thought about how they had met. Jen was all that he ever wanted. People can say what they want, but he knew his story was as it was, love at first sight. Not glazy, misty eyes and aching hearts with racing pulses, instead a simple calmness, a realization that this was natural, perfect and an obvious next step for him. He immediately dropped the who, when, how surrounding his love life as this was the why love existed. No need for games, no need to explain anything to family or friends, this was their love; internal. No need to infect it by opening their private life to the external masses.

As he drained the bottle of the wine, what was it again, thats right Chablis, he remember the moment that left him here today. It had been two weeks ago as he was watching her after sex. He often studied her after sex as she always lay with her eyes closed, he watched her breathing and marveled at her perfect body. This time was different though, as he watched her it hit him clear as the sambucca in front of him right now it was time to move their relationship onto this new dimension, but he obviously didnt want to give her any clue, it must be a complete surprise. So with a final check of his bag and after leaving five pounds tip, he headed for Farringdon tube station, making a final stop to buy the newspaper; people say you should always save and frame the front page on the date of such momentous occasions.

Peter reached their house and as he opened the front door, he noticed his hand was shaking, so much for the big calm man he thought! He entered the living room as quietly as possible and discovered Jen dozing on the white sofa, the main one. Perfect he thought as he quietly moved to the kitchen to uncork another bottle of white he had bought for the occasion, only this time a significantly better bottle of Maorel Vendeau 92, her favorite. Returning with two glasses which he placed on the side table, he got down on one knee and pulled out the present that would change both their lives forever. He gently whispered in her ear to wake her and as Jen opened her sleepy eyes, she smiled and then noticed the sparkling reflection from inside the box Peter was holding. He gave it to her and she gasped, she gasped her last gasp as he stabbed the last breath from her unfaithful body.